To Do Lists

I have a lot of To Do lists. Like for everything. It’s kind of a problem tbh. I mean I’m super organized and rarely nothing falls through the cracks. But I think it’s borderline OCD and probably not healthy.

And then I came across this article talking about kids of immigrants and our fascination with “being busy”. That sometimes being busy gives us this sense of value. If you’re busy then sure you’re adding value - you must be because you’re not doing NOTHING. I realized that this is how I was thinking without really realizing it. And that the act of creating lists AND crossing items off remind me that I’m important, I’m doing things, and I’m valuable. Whoa - the things on my To Do list make me more important than actually just living my life. That’s just nuts and makes no sense and completely needs to change.

And so the last couple weeks I tried not to have as much focus on my To Do lists….or put another way I let myself finish a bunch of tasks without adding new things. I had some impromptu dates with Ruby, had dinners with friends and Edward, had a few lazy Sundays, hung out in our new working pool - I guess I basically just lived a little. And I’ve been so happy. And I realized that this is when real life is happening. The things that aren’t planned/crossed off on your To Do lists. I feel a little guilty for not doing “more” but why? I enjoyed life. I added value to my life. When did that become such a bad thing? I have no idea. Years of conditioning I suppose. This is so going to be hard for me to change but I really am going to try because just “being” is kinda fun!