It’s been 6 weeks since I gave myself my first injection. Wow I’m so glad that’s over. I had NOOO idea how hard this whole process is. If I did, I’m not sure I would have done it honestly. I think we both probably would have decided to try naturally. I don’t know. I just did not realize how much the hormones get to you. They are intense. I seriously went from not being sure about a 2nd baby to someone that HAD to have a 2nd baby - and it was completely the hormones and the fact that you just want it to work. And the process itself is completely designed for the guy not to be involved at all so why would they understand what you’re going through? I mean you’re not even having sex to try and get pregnant! I gave myself all my shots (since Edward was traveling) so it was really easy for him not to really think about it. So of course I was going to feel alone. He wasn’t there! And it wasn’t really his fault. The process is designed to make couples fight I’m convinced. And the hormones just intensify everything. Now that I’m getting back to my normal self I can see that I was pretty sensitive. That said, hormones are a real thing and just because it’s in your head doesn’t mean that it isn’t real. That was my fucked up reality for a couple weeks….and I’m definitely glad it’s over. PS Edward and I are getting back to normal too. :)
We meet with Dr. Rosen tomorrow to discuss what happens next. I really have no idea but he told me that the hard part is over. But I’m not sure I believe him because I know you still have to inject yourself with hormones and there is still going to be intense pressure because you just want it to work. That said, I’m back to “Yes I want a baby but No I’m not really sure I want to be pregnant”. Honestly I don’t think that is going to change. And it doesn’t have to. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to do because it’s worth it in the end.
But I’m anxious in general because I’m still not working and with so many things up in the air am nervous nobody will hire me if I’m pregnant. Bleh - I’m always going to worry about something. So I’m trying to be patient with myself, let myself feel all the feels, and do a lot of SoulCycle to try and clear my head as much as possible.