Day 1 after Retrieval
Physically I feel really good. I’m kind of surprised. I was a bit crampy yesterday but not terrible and today I just feel a little sore. I’m trying not to jinx myself since all my doctors said the bloating and cramping get worse after the retrieval. But I feel so much better!
19 eggs were mature and 18 fertilized. Now we wait for them to grow. The lab will call me on Day 5 with an update on how many embryos divided properly into Blastocysts. Then we send those off for PGS genetic screening which takes about 10 days. So it’s now a waiting game. I’m feeling soooo positive with my numbers but still nervous because we don’t know the quality yet and statistically odds are not in my favor. So I’m going to have to stay off the internet as much as I can. My Doctor says on average 1 of 8 embryos are “good” so I’m going to just hope for that and round up to 3. That would be nice. :)
Day 4 after Retrieval
So physically I’m feeling great! My bloating has gone down almost completely and I’m not sore at all. I’m kind of back to my normal self physically. Mentally I feel like I’ve been down and depressed. I’m just not myself. I’ve also been relatively good staying off the internet. At least until today when I caught myself in the rabbit hole of percentage of successful IVF implantations over 40. No good can come of this search. Like nothing good. I don’t know why I even went there because it all comes down to 1% for me. So I have to just pretend I’m oblivious to all this OR just live in the world where I’m the most fertile 43 year old on the planet. Either way it will be nice to hear tomorrow how many Embryos are “good” enough to get genetically tested. At least then I will just know.
Day 5 after Retrieval
Today has been a roller coaster. The embryologist called in the morning to give me an update. We have 2 ready Blastocysts grade 4AA, 4 early Blastocysts and 5 in Morula stage. The 2 ready ones have already been biopsied and we wait to see if any of the others grow into a more expanded Blastocyst. At this point I’m happy for the 2 and feel like I should at least get a couple more with the others. But man this is stressful and it’s interesting to see how I went from “being as breezy as possible” to “I’m totally stressed and why don’t I have more good embryos”? It’s crazy because part of me is just amazed and thankful that my 43 year old body is allowing me this opportunity, the other part of me is stressed watching the numbers go down from the 28 eggs. It’s like a constant reminder that there is a “test” every step of this process and your chances decrease by more than ½ each time. What a serious mindfuck. Sigh. Let’s just wait until tomorrow….
Day 7 after Retrieval
Well yesterday was rough. I mean crazy rough. The embryologist called me and said that 1 more Blastocyst was ready - grade 4BA. So overall we have 2 4AA, and 1 4BA. Those grades are actually pretty good but it turns out that grades really have nothing to do with them being genetically “Normal”. So you can’t help but stress. In my head, I was hoping for 5-6 embryos to send to genetic testing with the hopes that 50% would come back “Normal” leaving me with 2-3 good ones. Because it would be nice to have more chances since implantation doesn’t always work. So despite the 3 good embryos I went into a downward spiral convinced that none of them were normal. I was full on depressed and I couldn’t get a handle on it. I mean I cried all morning and all of the sudden felt like I just had to have a 2nd baby. It was weird - I mean just 2 weeks ago I still wasn’t even sure but now all of the sudden this just had to work. I mean Ruby NEEDED another sister. I was supposed to have another baby!
Day 8 after Retrieval
This morning I went to SoulCycle and I feel 1000% better. I really do think much of yesterday was due to the hormone levels in my body. I was not myself at all. And everything seemed worse because of the mental state I was in. Today I’m still anxious of course and will be sad if this all doesn’t work but I feel good about the 3 embryos right now. I mean we have to have at least 2 good ones right? I keep telling myself that the statistics I keep reading about shouldn’t be relevant to me since I just had Ruby and I didn’t have problems getting pregnant with her even at my age (Thank you my beautiful body!) but I’m still nervous. Aaah! But I’m just going to take 1 day at a time and keep myself busy the next few days. And I’m a firm believer in the power of positive thoughts so I’m just envisioning a health baby because of course this is going to happen! :)