After 2 months of going back and forth we finally decided to try for another baby. This was a really hard decision and honestly I’m still not sure. I 1000% thought I was done and always said that if we wanted another we would adopt….especially since I had Ruby at almost 42. Well I guess things can change….even for me. It all started after several drinks on my birthday and Edward blurting out that he thought he wanted another baby because Ruby is so great and we’re all so good together. And by the end of the night I was convinced to at least get my blood work done so that we could see where my hormone levels/fertility indicators were at. But by the morning we both weren’t so sure. Ha! That said, I went forward with getting all my tests anyway just in case. And then for the next 2 months we went back and forth and finally decided.
This was a multi-step decision. First I (and probably Edward) didn’t know if we were prepared with the logistics and work associated with a second. Everything works now for us. We have Rebeca, Ruby is a good kid, we both sleep. We’ve got it down. And I just couldn’t imagine life with a 2nd. I like my independence, I need to workout, I like date nights with Edward, I didn’t want to be tired all the time, and I was finally excited to devote some time to my career….so I just couldn’t wrap my head around a 2nd kid. So the first part of the decision was really to navigate through that. And we had some pretty honest conversations on what we were willing to give up (if anything) and learned that we both are very much on the same page - that we as a couple come first. We were never the couple that HAD to have a family and so whatever we decided WE had to stay the most important. And that meant a hard look at finances and having the support and resources to help manage a 2nd child, at the level we were comfortable with.
Once we were finally ok with that then we had the decision of Adoption vs Biological. So I researched and gathered information about both. It turns out that my hormone levels looked great! Yay! Especially for being 43. Some of my doctors said my levels were pretty close to a 35 year old. Maybe they were just being nice but I’ll take it! Both my Fertility Doc (Dr. Rosen) and OB (Dr. Finke) said we could try naturally but I decided that if we were going to go Biological I wanted to do IVF so we didn’t lose time and so we could get genetic testing on embryos. The IVF process scared me because quite frankly I never thought I would do it. I just always thought if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, but after meeting with the Fertility Doc he basically said retrieving your eggs gives you the option of doing something with them now, later, or never if that’s what you decide.
We also had a call with the Adoption agency but if I’m really honest with myself I think we both had already decided to try for a Biological child before going down the Adoption route. I think that things might be different if International Adoption wasn’t out of the question because I would totally adopt an Indian baby. But the laws these days pretty much make that impossible. SOOO we decided to move forward with IVF. And it happened fast. Like within 3 weeks after our initial meeting with the Fertility Doc we started. EEEK!
We decided we would take it 1 step at a time. Like first get the embryos and test them. Who knows what will happen. And then decide if I would carry or get a surrogate. I definitely believe I am the best person to carry my child, but I’m still considering a surrogate because well it just might be the best thing for me. But we have time for that decision so more on that when the time comes.
I’m not particularly stressed out about the IVF process….except the shots but I’m just going to try and be as chill as possible. I think it helps that I’m still not sure about the 2nd child. I want Ruby to have a sibling especially because we’re old and I don’t want her to be alone but I also kind of feel like if it’s meant to be, it will. I’m sure this will change a little as we go through IVF because I’ll be more emotional but we’ll see. I’m just going to try and take it one day at a time.